Why not me

Since my cancer diagnosis a lot of people have said something along the lines of "You're the last person I thought would get cancer. You do everything right." I sometimes have the sense that this is a prelude or invitation to a 'why me' discussion and that that would be the comfortable choice for everyone. I would have support as I felt sorry for myself and my friends could avoid thinking about how the same events would alter their lives.

But I can't and won't adopt the 'why me' point of view. From the very first inkling that I might have cancer my reaction has been 'why not me?' I don't think I am so special that the vagaries of life should pass me by. And it seems to me that you can't pick and choose your reaction depending on events. What do 'why me' people do in moments of beauty and joy? Do they wonder the same thing or do they somehow feel more deserving of the good times than the bad?

I had a 'why not me' moment on our bike ride last week. I was doing something I enjoy in a beautiful place in great weather while accompanied by my husband and friends. As I pedalled alone, catching up with the group after stopping for photos, my thoughts were not about 'why' I was having such a great time. Instead, I reflected that there was no reason why I shouldn't I have this time, this experience. The good comes with the bad. Thoughts of the good will surely mitigate the bad.

Beauty

Joy